-it should be a hidden draft-

It takes longer than I ever thought before..

I thought I will survive maybe for 3 years only. But I found myself still keeping that feel till today, this minute.

Until the time he knows what I feel inside, until the time he says no or yes. Maybe I will keep it here until an uncountable time.

What I want is only he knows that..I do miss him. I want to see, at least his eyes. I want to hear, at least his laugh. I want to say sorry to have this feeling so far. But I let myself in a silence.

Well not really, I ever said that I was loved him. But he never know that it’s not only “ever” but “still”.

Dear you there, I might seem crazy, but I just miss you and all the steps we have made together after school. I miss of being your little friend, whom you always yelled and I always got angry. I miss of being the girl who loves that wall-magazine whom you ever turn the light onto it. I miss of being the one who always borrow your books just because I want to have some conversation.

 

I do miss you.

 

Memories of Mine

Hola!

Hi, blog. How are you without me? Hope you are not getting upset of me. I’m kinda act so busy sometimes. Hehe.

Well I just checked the notification and got that 19 days ago was my WordPress-anniversary. That makes me remember, I created this account when I was in college. My seat was in the last row and there was just a few people in computer lab. At that time, I thought this blog will be used for all my poetries, songs I loved, and some stories of mine. But finally, this blog was just like…a room that never been used. Okay maybe I wrote some potries and stories, but not in daily. Too many reasons to say “I’m lazy to write this”, “I don’t have time to post that”, and so on.

Getting upset of myself sometimes. When I was little, I do really want to be a writer. I dreamed to be a novelist. But until this second, there’s no story I’ve ever written.

Here I am. A young lady, work as a marketer in a garment company. From 8.30 am to 8.30 pm, I’m just a zombie. And I’m back as a normal when lunch time and when I’m home. Why? Because this job is really really give me so much pressure. Well, it sounds exaggerating. But it doesn’t mean I don’t like my job. I like it, I enjoy it. But I cannot love it.

Two years already. I’ve worked there for 2 years already. And I have enough salary. But again, doesn’t mean that I don’t like my job, I  just cannot love it.

Just like what I’m saying above, when I was little, I dreamed to be a novelist. And not only that, I also wanted to be an astronaut, a singer, an engineer, and sometimes I wanted to be a teacher as well.

I was 17 and I tried to be …..a marketer. Haha. I was a accessories seller when I was in high-school. I got so many costumers. And by my own money, I could buy some books by myself, I could hang-out with my friends without asking some money from my parents, I could buy a gift when my bestfriend had a birthday party. I was proud of myself at the moment.

And I also had ever become a vocalist of my class-band. There was a school anniv. party and each class must have a band to join the competition. Believe it or not, my band got 2nd place and I become the best vocalist.

But every happiness, might always have a sad-side.

There was an “accident” in my family. I got so stress and seemed like I didn’t have any spirit to go to school. I cried every night, confused of what I should do, worried of everything that might be happened sooner or later. (I will not tell you here about the problem. Hehe. It is a privacy :P ). I didn’t go to my band first outdoor-performance in a cafe. And I even escape from home and tried to go somewhere I didn’t know. Then my bestfriend, Kimmi, found me walking alone. She yelled, and asked me to be calm. Well finally she brought me home again.

That was really the hardest thing I’ve been through.

Later, when everything seemed back to normal, my family and I  moved here. To the rain-city.

I studied in a school of garment for 1 year and after that I got a job in a company I’ve been working until today.

There was a lot of story from my first day of working unti today, of course. I have a super-duper-fussy senior. She called me on 5 o’clock in the morning, and oftenly called me in a night before I sleep just for told me there was an email from our partner. Oh my God.

Feels like I will quickly resigned after 2 years contract has been finished. But what I did until today? I’m still surviving and enjoying my oftenly “morning-call”.

 

Well that’s life, a journey of every lessons. You’ll get the meaning of happiness, sadness, proud, selfish, jealous, win, everything. And there’s no people who can describe it. You, yourself who has the meaning of it. Everybody has their own thought. And so are you.

 

Good night! Have a nice weekend :-)

Find Me..

I’m tiredly hiding from my feeling,

missing, losing, and keep ignoring anything about you

Hear me, I call you everytime

Blindly, I came to you but found you nowhere

 

I’m dreaming, sad and mad I just can see you there..

wondering why I cannot run towards,

wondering why I cannot let you go

wondering why it’s difficult even when I shout..

 

Find me, when the summer’s ends..

when the falls’ going to be done..

Find me, cause I won’t come back..

Here I will stay, here I will lay..

Here I will have my life for now and tomorrow,

until I’m done with my last breath

 

So, please find me..

 

Cinta Dalam Diam

Katakan itu,

rasa yang kau pendam berpuluh-puluh menit lalu

air mata yang kau sapu dengan gelak tawa rancu

 

Katakan padaku,

resahmu pada dunia yang mulai curiga

ketakutan akan rasa yang tak biasa, yang pernah kau kubur bersama waktu

 

Seandainya ia terbaca, rasaku lebih hebat dari itu

rasa yang membuatku bungkam melebihi batu..

rasa yang membuatku datang padamu meski harus menghancurkan tembok di hadapanku

rasa yang menjadikanku mati rasa akanmu,

matilah pahit, matilah sakit

yang kutau kau butuh aku..

 

Ceritakanlah padaku,

kutahu kau tak terbiasa bisu,

kutahu kau tak mungkin bisa sendu..

 

Kisahkanlah peluhmu,

aku berjanji tak akan ada keluhku..

 

Luapkan saja tangismu,

biar cuma aku yang melihat,

aku akan merahasiakannya pada dunia

biar cuma langit yang tahu, bagaimana caraku mencintaimu..

dalam diam, dalam do’a..

 

 

 

*adalah tentang pemuja rahasia, ketika sahabat mulai jatuh cinta namun tak mampu berkata..

Topeng

Mencari kesana kemari,

berpeluh, angkuh

namun runtuh

 

Pudar masa akan kelam,

meski tertawa, meski tergelak

Sedih terisak akan pekat,

meski pongah, meski sumringah

 

Selesai sudah,

tiada lagi mimpi yang  jadikannya hidup

berhenti dan mengalah saja

 

Tebal sudah,

tiada lagi raut kusut

hanya berseri meski luput

Hujan, Radio, Lagu

Hujan. Radio. Lagu

Skenario yang begitu sederhana

Hanya jika aku mengingat, sama halnya aku tenggelam lagi

Hanya jika aku merasa, sama halnya aku kembali lagi

Percuma lah tembok kokoh yang sudah tinggi di depan ini

Hancur dan puing-puingnya remuk

Hujan. Radio. Lagu

Sandiwara kecil

Pengantar petang menuju malam

Menuju cerita-cerita lain di pagi dan siang esok

 

Semua masih tentangmu..

Maaf..

 

Basa-Basi Dikit

Hai, well I am back. Udah lama banget gak nge-blog (abaikan posting puisi yang kemarin). Kerjaan padahal lagi banyakan leha-leha nya daripada seriusnya. Tapi gara-gara modem superslow ini lah..tiap kali buka dashboard blog gak nongol-nongol (eh pas di check ternyata pulsa modem abis. Etdah…hehe)

 

Gue masih begini kok, masih manis dan baik-baik aja alhamdulillah. Iya gak ada yang nanyain kabar emang sih -_-

Dan gue juga masih sering nulis puisi-puisi galau. Bukan niatnya bikin yang galau mulu sih ya. Tapi inspirasi itu datangnya gak bisa dipaksa. Seperti puisi yang gue posting kemarin contohnya. Jadi itu cerita tentang temen baik gue sendiri.

Mostly memang puisi-puisi gue ini adalah curhatan. Baik curhatan pribadi maupun curhatan orang. Dan rasanya kayak ada magnet yang narik-narik tangan gue buat bikin puisi. Maaf kalau ada yang sedih setelah baca puisi-puisi gue. Bukan niatnya begitu :'( hiks.. Tapi terima kasih buat secuil follower gue yang ternyata suka sama puisi-puisi tadi. THANK YOU SO MUCH DAAAH..

 

Baiklah, keep enjoy my blog. Doakan semoga follower blog ini nambah. Jadi sepuluh barangkali :-P hihihi

 

Good night!

ORCID

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